Wow wee! One of the busiest days of my life yesterday. It was my first day on the job and blimey, I've used up a hell lot of energy for the evening. Yes, I was conducting surveys on people watching the performances at the Mosaic Music Festival held at The Esplanade. And one survey is bloody long! The night before I was telling myself that I could easily interview at least 10 people tomorrow. Well I did manage to hit my target on the dot but the process was very difficult. The hardest part for me was approaching them. Sometimes I wonder how the hell I developed this fear when others don't have much difficulty at it. I really am my worst enemy...
That's why I'm finding ways to rid myself of this self-destructive behaviour. Honestly, it's quite a big deal. Any psychologists out there? I would love to hear tips from you. I'm also into meditation and the like nowadays. Mind clearing, self-affirmations, enhancing the subconscious mind, whatever you call it. I really think the mind is a powerful tool but it has its dark side, too. Therefore I really want to muster the skill of mind control, so that I can control my mind instead of it controlling me. It's pretty demoralizing at the moment, I should say. Sometimes it can be such a wet blanket; when an opportunity arises, my mind negatively responds. It was worst a few months back but I'm glad to say that it has improved considerably. At times I usually have to force myself into a different way of thinking. It's the forcing which I hate. I believe there should be a way to change my thinking forever. Brainwash me, for heaven's sake! I want to purge myself of all negative thoughts and actions. Be a new person. Turn over a new leaf. See the break of dawn once more. Wake up to a new life, a new Oliver, a new me...
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